What do I want?

My application for one of the top financial institutions in the world has been turned down. It did make me feel really small and insignificant. But it also got me thinking. I have no idea as to what the company does other than the few words that they told us. I had not even heard of the company till I came to SIBM and the first time that I heard it I asked the person who was sitting next to me what it was. The look that I got from that person was enough to convince me of my ignorance. Talking to seniors, the people that have been there and done that, I was told that was a company to die for. And you know what? I was actually convinced.

Now that I am not going to be a part of that process, I look back and think. To those who know me very well, yes I actually can think! Did I want to get into the company because I thought that I shall be able to make a difference to the company and me or did I want to get in because that all around me thought that it was a cool company? Coming at a time when I am beginning to understand what I am and what I stand for, this question is a rude awakening. Too rude for comfort. I only hope that for the companies to come, I am not in this situation.