March 11, 2006


There are times when I surprise myself. The things that I come up with in the head of mine put me to shame. I look back at what I write and I am spell bound. One of those is something that I wrote regarding the breakup that happened to a friend of mine. I ended the piece with the following lines: Faith lost in a person can be redeemed; faith lost in a relationship can redeemed. However, faith lost in the reason for the relationship cannot be redeemed.

I thought, when I read these lines, why not make a whole piece on them considering the fact that the world today is made up of quick dating and the tick tock bang, thank you madam types.

As usual, I need to begin with the definition of the word faith. Does the word belief cover everything that faith has to offer? I think not. The word faith is much more obscure than belief. Belief is what we have on something that we are not sure about. Like the belief in god, the belief in something happening. It does not need any proof to exist.

However, faith on the other hand needs a certain degree of proof, a certain amount of evidence. Without this evidence, faith is just another belief that the human psyche has. So what does this faith have to do with the human relationship and what does it have to do with the making or breaking of the bond that exists between two people?

When we come to know a person, we ascertain a set of qualities to that person. Whenever we happen to meet them, we shall run those qualities in our head and then decide the type pf response to offer. One of the qualities is faith. This is complete belief in that person. Ti is not necessary that the faith of two people on the same person be the same. This is because faith is subjective. What I see as a quality that provides faith to me may cause another person to lose the same faith. Simplest example that I can think of is faith on a thief. The boss of the thief has faith on the man, while society as a whole does not.

Similarly even relationships run on faith, faith that the other person is committed. The level of commitment is known to the other person and based on the commitment that he/she needs, the relationship shall run smoothly, or in troubled waters.

What happens to make someone lose faith? It could be many things; the way that one acts, the way that they talk or just the way that they are. In the beginning, when everything seems rosy, people shall over look small things or think that such things will not trouble them, only to discover that they actually do. Later on in life, when such things do happen, the qualities that were ascertained to that person are belittled. They realize that what they thought was the truth and what it is are two different things. It is then they begin to lose faith in the other person.

What makes one lose faith in a person and still have faith in a relationship? Take the case of two parents, who have a child. Even if they have realized that they are not in love with each other or worse they come to know that they other is having affairs on the side, they shall lose faith in the spouse. However, in more cases than not, they shall have faith in the relation of parents, because the fact that they are not loyal to each other does not prevent them from being good parents.

The final part - lost of faith in reason of existence of a relation. This is what keeps a relation going. It is the very fabric of a relation. It case of couples, that reason may be love, in case of friends could be the way that they interact. I shall not give an example for this but then I request you to take a minute and reflect on what will happen if the faith on the fabric of your relation with another human being is built on is torn. Will you be able to trust the other person again, will you ever be able to act the same way that you used to? I think not. That is why I believe “Faith lost in a person can be redeemed; faith lost in a relationship can redeemed. However, faith lost in the reason for the relationship cannot be redeemed.

March 9, 2006

Platonic Relationship

In the world, at the ideal state there is said to exist an equal ratio of women to men. That makes the age old statement “for every person there is someone in this world”. But then more than that one person, it is the bonds that we create with others that make life more livable.

What is a sign of a modern society? Is it having cars, mansions, economies booming, where everyone is getting richer everyday? What I am asking is whether the society is classified by what it does or how it does what it does?

The society is defined by thousands of rules that one needs to follow. These rules are defined by wisdom (supposedly) handed down through the centuries and create the environment that we live in. it is one of these worldly words of wisdom that I want to question.

Taking off from what I was talking about, the concept of the elusive someone, that one person who can bring sunlight into the darkest gloom, that soul mate. I had a friend who once told me that she had a soul mate and she had to let him go and never in her life will she ever love someone as she loved him. But then when I went into asking her how it happened, it all came out. They were the best of friends and then one fine day lightening decides to strike. She realizes that he is the one with whom she will be the happiest.

I am not going to question what she feels, but then what I wanted to ask was why was it that most of the people that become lovers in life start as friends; some as members in the same group, the others as the best friends, who one fine day decide they want their relationship to transcend into another plane. One of my best friends told me once that has been told to me by parents for years, that a boy and girl can never have a platonic relationship.

I do agree that the people that start of as friends are better able to live with the other person. They already have a base to work on and they know most of there is to know about the person they are besotted with. It seems to make life so much easier when you have a friend and then they become the person that you spend the rest of your life with. Does that mean there is no way that a relation can be platonic in this world?

What is a platonic relationship? The dictionary describes it as being nonsexual. That does seem to be the dictionary meaning. But then is it the real sense that one gives when they say that they are platonic? I think not.

Boys will be boys and girls, girls. In a situation like this, the two of them have to meet in the middle to have a relationship going. By relation I do not mean in the physical sense. So it is natural for them both to have some undercurrents going. There shall be times when they look at the other and see the qualities that make them special. At times like this they shall wish what if the other person was something more than just a friend, what if they were the one that they could spend the entire life with. But then they shall realize that it is just an impulse and that the thought holds no backing. They shall not voice that momentary feeling and the relation remains one of platonic; devoid of all sexual connotations. There in lies the root to true relationship, to think as to what is best for the parties involved and to realize that all actions acted on impulses are not worth the effort. As they say, better to lose the battle to win the war.