January 15, 2008

Pulling me away

A new scent,
A whiff
Of something new
Some thing virgin
Some thing

A blank slate,
And undone.

A new beginning,
And beggars.

A sight,
Cooing for the eyes
Cooling the brain
Cooling a life
To hot to live.

A whiff
Of something
Something exciting
Pulling me
Pulling me away.

15th January 2008

January 14, 2008

Addendum to the eternal search

Now what happens if one finds someone and settles down? Does the search end?

It generally does not. The people in the relationship do still compare and contrast, this time with what they settled for and what they see outside. If the relationship is strong, then this momentary comparison does not lead to anything and they remain faithful to the relationship. However, there are times when the temptation is overbearing and people stray. It is after all human to compare and want something better than what we have.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

The eternal search

I expect this post to open a can of worms. This post is going to be short. I hope that the discussions that the people can have after the post is done will make up for what I have not written.

Over the last few years, I have observed the people around me. More than them, I observed me. This is what I have concluded.

Man/woman lives in an eternal fear of being alone. No matter how confident he/she is about his life and the way it is progressing, he/she is scared that they will end up alone. If there is one thing that scares the bejesus out of them. This is a scare that is so deep routed that they will not even acknowledge it. Most of the adolescent life is spent trying to hide this fear. Most of adult life is spent trying to show either that they are not affected by this fear, or being a slave to this. All this is unknowing.

The single point I want to make is this: Every woman a man meets, is a potential candidate for someone with whom he will spend the rest of his life with. This is the same case with a woman as well. Every man she meets is a potential candidate for a husband. In case your orientation is for the same sex, that works too.

Every person carries around a list of conditions, a list of criteria in their head. Every member of the opposite sex he/she meets is cross verified against this list. The perceived characteristics are then crossed against the ones that are desired. The total number of yays shall decide what is the relationship that exists between the two.

  • If the total nays are significantly more than the yays, they cannot be more than friends.
  • If the total yays are significantly more than the nays, he/she will want the other to be more than just friends
  • If the totals are close, they will wait for more information to percolate downwards until there is a significant difference.
I remember one of my previous posts platonic relationships. There I had discussed the idea that it is not possible to maintain a platonic relationship with a member of the sex that interests you. I do maintain the statement, however modifying it slightly. I shall state that only if the total nays are significantly more than yays, will the platonic relationship work. Even if one is slightly interested, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Everyone is in a search for the one person. Every person you meet is a likely candidate. Everyone!

Ode to the one woman who made me cry

If there was one woman who made tears run down my eyes, it was Madurai Shanmukhavadivu Subbulakshmi aka MSS.

It takes a genius to make a boy who is tone deaf, who cannot make sense of any carnatic music, who ran from the room whenever his mother started (tried to start) singing, whose aunt plays the violin professionally and who did not learn from her to appreciate the beauty that is carnatic music.

The first time I heard MSS was from my grandmother who never tired of talking about her. To my grandmother, she was the incarnation of music. To me she was the woman who sang 'Suprabatham' which forced half the South Indians across world to get up every morning.

It was one evening, after coming back from college in my early twenties, trying to relax, that my music player randomly picked 'Kurai Ondrum Illai' (Click here for the youtube link). The room was silent and the voice across the head phones talked a language I began to understand. She talked a language which was not restricted to the words in the song. She portrayed an emotion that was far beyond what I had ever felt. A solitary tear moved down my cheek.

The pronunciation (ucharippu in Tamil) of words was far beyond anything that I have heard. It was not restricted to this song. If she was singing in Hindi, it seemed that she knew what the words meant when she sung them. It seemed that because she sung them, the words carried more meaning. If it were Telugu, she sang as if she knew the language. It was even better when she sang Sanskrit. She seemed to live the language. I once has learnt the language of the gods, so to speak. And when she sang, for a moment, she was god.

I have heard people say in the USA, that they remember where they were when they heard the news of JFK die. I can remember the exact moment when I heard that MSS was no more. I was in front of the TV in Chennai, at my aunts place. I turned on the news, and there was the news, MSS had died. For some unknown reason, the woman who made a solitary tear come out, had caused a deluge. For some reason, I still cannot reason why I cried that day. I cried like a man who had lost his mother. I cried for I knew that the god I knew was no more. I cried because I knew that I could never go and listen to her sing.

Technology is an amazing thing. Thanks to that, I still hear her voice. However, there is a new emotion now. I want to sit in front of her and listen to her. Unfortunately, that is never going to happen. I cry for that.