Blame

As most of my posts, this one too derives itself from a conversation with one of those few souls whom I ask questions. The funniest part of that conversation is that I ask the question knowing fully well, what the reply is going to be. However, the question is still asked and the reply is acknowledged with an “I know”.

What is blame? What makes us blame someone? I guess the adage “If at first you do not succeed, blame someone” captures what I want to say entirely.

The act of passing the blame can be due to many reasons. I am not bothered with that. What I am bothered is that when certain decisions of ours go wrong, we are immediate to point the finger at someone else saying that they were the person who instigated us to do such a thing. More often than not, they would have expressed an opinion and we would have accepted that whole-heartedly without a second thought.

In such a circumstance, how can we blame the other person? Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions. The constitution gives them the freedom of speech, thereby allowing them to express that opinion. In case, you are the target of that expression, then the onus falls on to you. What is the onus? It is to think what they say, why they are saying what they are saying and if that thing is applicable to you.

Assuming that you did or did not do all this and implemented that opinion, does this mean that you have a right to blame them if it goes wrong? In addition, in the same breath will you give them praise if it works out?

The second is more of a rhetoric question that I do not plan to answer.

When you decide something driven by forces external to you, maybe because it was said by someone important to you, maybe it came from someone you respect immensely, do you have the right to blame them?

The answer is no. The reason is very intuitive and is simple. Even when you do something on other people’s advice, at the end of the day, it is still your decision. When it is your decision, it is your prerogative to think through that decision. Just as you cannot be sorry for something that you do (refers my previous post Sorry) you cannot blame anyone but yourself.

You may come back with the question that it was their idea. Can you not see that it was your decision to implement their idea? Can you not see that you decided that person was so important to you that you decided to follow them blindly? Can you not see that that person means so much to you that you did not question their opinion?

When someone means so much to you, then how can you blame him or her? When someone is so important to you that you follow him or her, how can you demean that meaning and that importance by blaming him or her for what is essentially your decision?

The only person who is liable to blame is the only person who made the mistake, me. The mistake is that either I valued someone too much not to think through what he or she said and did what he or she said, or I did not think it out fully. The mistake is either in the value system or in the thought process, both of which are mine. In the end, it comes down to me and only me.

When I decide,
The decision is mine.
Root, in your head,
Root in mine,
Matters not,
Decision mine.
Blame,
You, I cannot,
Blame you,
I shall not.
Fault,
Lies in me,
For valuing
You,
For listening to
You,
Mind shut,
Ears open,
Should cause
Mouth shut.

Only for me

Walking along
On a crowded pavement,
Faces rushing past
No one to meet.
The first drop
Lands on my face,
The drop of rain,
The drop of joy.
People, they run,
Helter skelter,
Seeking shelter,
Under something else.
As the skies open
All around me,
I walk on
With
A million drops
Of joy
Splashing
On me.
All alone,
All drenched,
In the rain,
On the pavement,
I watch the rain
Falling on me,
Falling for me,
Only me.

~Aditya

Rainbow

Standing
On the edge
Of sunshine
And rain.
I look heavenwards
Searching for her.
She looks down
Upon me
From her perch
High
In the clouds.
Wearing her robe
Seven colored
Each for a mood,
A mood of mine.

Why is she sad
Frowning at me,
Reflecting an emotion
I feel no more?
Her frown
Fills the skies
From cloud to cloud
From earth to heaven
From heaven to earth.

Is she sad
At a world
That is straight,
Or is she smiling
With the world
Upturned;
Topsy turvy,
Turvy topsy,
Right side up,
Wrong side down,
Frowning at me,
Smiling at heavens
For me?

~Aditya

Dedicated to a want

My hundredth post.

What is want?

When I desire something so much that the very thought of that thing causes pain, not because it is painful, but because I do not even want to think of a life without that one thing, I guess I have a want.


When every second of every minute of every day, all the thoughts lead back to that one thing, I guess that I have a want.

When every word I hear, brings back that one thing, I guess that I have a need.

When I know that I may not get that one thing, yet I soldier along, not caring for the obstacles, I guess that I have a want.

When I know, I have a want.
I know I want.

Comparison

Disclaimer: I have used “he” as a general term to refer to both men and women. Ideally, it should be either he/she or they. However, for some arcane reason, we use “he” while referring to humanity as a whole. I do not want that error to detract us from the main theme of the post.


A statement I have heard many times over, and one I have come to detest (the feeling is beyond hate) is “I do not want to compare, but have you seen what x or y or z is doing?”

What is it that makes people compare? Why is something others do so important in our lives? What makes them capable of being the standard against which we measure our achievements?

Our marks were always compared to those of our close friends. This comparison was along the lines of “How come he/she has scored so much and you have not?”

As we grew up and left marks behind, it was then the performance at the workplace. Our team leader at appraisals will tell us that we do not deserve the bonus because someone somewhere did something more than us.

As we get married and start a family, what we bring to the table in the family is again set off against that done by others. I am reminded of the famous (not so famous if you are not a Tamilian) song from Yethir Neechal (Swimming against the current). It is called Aduthathu Ambujatha Paathela. During the course of the song, a wife compares what her husband brings home, what she has to the take home of the neighbors.

The best part of death is that it only then when our actions are taken in the absolute sense. There is no comparison; just what we did and whether they were good or bad.

Now that I have laid out the constancy of comparison in our lives, I would like to question the rationale behind it.

Any person, and therefore his actions are based, hopefully, on some reason. (Please do not make this post another battleground over whether there is reason behind every action or not)

Since we are working with this assumption, two people we are going to compare have reasons for the way that they are. This is to say that they have a certain premises based on which they act and live. There is no chance that their two premises will be the same. This is because of the uniqueness of the person.

When the two people to be compared are viewed by us, we are doing so based on our own premises. This is to say that we look at them from a third party position and try to compare what they are.

To me, this is not a valid comparison. How can one, based on their perspectives compare two things that are based on different perspectives? It is possible to compare the perspectives. This is to say that I can compare the reasons that the persons are what they are. I cannot compare what they are.

You see yourself,
In your own mirror.
He sees himself,
In his.
I compare
You and him,
In my mirror?
I compare
Not you and him,
I compare
The mirror
You both see

Holding on

On the edge,
With fingertips,
I hang.
Abyss below,
A sky above,
Me in between,
I hang.
Strength ebbing,
Will failing,
Memories flooding,
Life lived,
I hang.

An illusion,
A dream,
A hope,
A fear,
I hold on.
Scared
To let go,
Scared
Not to,
I hold on.

On
The edge,
I am
Holding
On.

~Aditya