Blank Stares

Do not give me that blank stare
You know as well as I do
The reason you are leaving now.
Times seem to have changed,
People seem to have changed.
I have remained the same
In a world that changed around me.
I expected the people I cared for
To care back for me.
I never realized
The fact that was so obvious.
I am just another in their lives,
Not the sole reason they live.
Another stone in the pathway
Another face in the crowd.
I never expect anymore
It is easier this way.
I am not angry you are going,
I am sad you are not staying.
The times we shared fresh in my mind
The times we should have shared
Remain in my heart.
Go if you have to now
Promise me nothing
Time moves along and so shall I
The pain that runs through me now
Shall pass some day to become memories
Then we shall meet dear
With the same blank stare on each others face.

The Truth

The sky seems to open up on me,
The light getting too dim to see,
Lend me light me dear friend,
Told me up till the end.
Hope runs away from us,
But we aren’t ones to make a fuss.
We are enough of strength to the other,
Of rest of the world we don’t bother.
The worlds an amazing place to behold,
Of stories and tales still to be told,
We are the ones who shall see
Of all that we can ever be.
Stand by me my dear one,
Tell me the truth of things undone,
I am the person that you have seen,
In your dreams, what you have been.
Dated: 11:02:04

Opinions

What is it about people that makes you like them or dislike them? How come some opinions change over time, some over a period of minutes and some stay the same no matter how long it has been since you last had contact with them?

Opinions are the result of instant judgment that people do unconsciously. The judging factors lie in the judgor rather than the judgee. Main criteria are whether the person resembles what we think are the features of a likeable person. For someone who likes to be well groomed, this would mean that the other person is presentable and seems to take care in the way that he/she appears, while to a person who believes that looking shabby is the way to go then, that is what he/she will look for.

Once we are done with the superficial level, then we get into the nitty-gritty details of that persons character. This is based on two parts - the one that is prescribed by the society as to what a normal sane person should be and the other what the personal thought process prescribes. It is difficult to quote examples for this but I shall try. In most societies, smoking and drinking are considered bad habits. To some it is a vice, to others it is pleasure. When a person from a closed family that strongly believes not smoking and not drinking comes into the open world for higher studies, employment or some reason, the first impression that is formed is one of dislike. This is the societal prescription taking effect.

There will be circumstances that a non-smoking and non-drinking person is in the company of people with the above vices and still likes them. Then their personal judgment of the people deems that even though he/she considers it a vice, the people who do so do it according to their free will and that their other characters are good enough to compensate for the vices.

Whenever a person says that he/she likes or doesn’t like you, do not take it personally. Remember that more times than not, it is their upbringing and not the person. If that person has actually spent some quality time with you and then there is like/ dislike, then that is an opinion formed beyond the boundaries of society and that is the real opinion.

The concept of writing

What makes a writer different from all the people around him? This has been a question that I have thought over and I am yet to come up with a competent answer. I can remember the first time I tried my hand at writing. My friend has written a piece called “The Vice Principal”, that was a take on a staff in school that he did not like. When I came away from that school and joined another, I was so against my chemistry teacher that I took the lead from that and wrote a small poem called “My Chemistry Teacher”. Plagiarism got me started.

Ever since then ideas and thoughts have come, some as torrents and others as a trickle and I have spent time to make sure that I pen them down, if not for others to read, at least for myself. Half of what I write seems to be really bad when I read them the next time, that I am forced to change half the words.

What makes a person who can write so special? The thing that comes to mind is they are able to put their thoughts to paper. That is thing that I love. The ability to convey the thought process that goes on in ones head and to be able to transfer it to another is amazing. Even though what I intend to pass and what is received is altogether different, the opportunity that arises is mind boggling.

It does not matter what others think of ones writing. When it comes to expressing ones views, it is not guaranteed that someone else shall endorse what I think. I can not write what others want me to write. That is not the purest form of writing. Then what is?

One could be when you write for the sake of writing. There is nothing more pure than sitting with a thought process in your head, lead by some unknown hand to a place, where you want to save that thought for all eternity, so that you can revisit it as and when you please. That for me is the purest from of writing.

Writers are neither born nor are they made. They just are.

Unfinished Business

The inspiration stops,
I am not able to continue the flow.
my hero lays waiting for my pen,
to let him finish the villain off.

I am not able to think as to why the killing must be done,
I can not fathom the hero's idea,
even though he is my creation.

the heroine waits beside,
willing me to go on,
to send her on the happy ending ever after.
her needs I can understand.
she is over come by the magic called love.

my favorite of the lot
is the bad, the villain.
I see more of myself in this man
than I do in the entire cast.
he is dark and scary,
doing as he pleases, he is not scared
swimming against the tide of the flow.
he was the toughest character to create,
and his memory shall last further than the other two.

the other people in the plot of mine
pale to insignificance
in the light of the fever of these three,
the fight between the good, fair and the bad.

I cant go on any longer,
I leave my story on the couch,
an unfinished business.

Thoughts

As I stood staring at those eyes,
A solitary thought that was running.
Am I alone in my thoughts
Or is she thinking what I am?
I was in love with this woman
But could not say what she thought.
She quipped bringing to my senses,
" You are thinking what I am thinking?"
I was suprised to realise
I so transperant to her.
I smiled at her, then she frowned.
"I want to know what you are thinking,
And it is funny to you?"
Then it dawned upon me,
Ones thoughts are ones personal realm.
Access is never granted nor can be,
The only way in is through my mouth.

The Snake Charmer

I want to write,
But cannot think of a thing to say.
My ideas do not flow, T
ry and try as I may.

I am jolted out of the blue
But the sound of a pipe being blown.
I know that is no use anymore,
My thoughts have simply flown.

I looked out of the window,
Hoping to catch the origin of the sound.
Maybe I shall be given back my idea
Gift wrapped and bound.

A crowd has gathered before my gate,
I am more curious than the cat that died.
I venture from the domain I have set
To restrain myself unlike the tide.

I walk out of the gate
To the sound of a snake charmer's pipe,
Eking out a living
To feed his family's gripe.

He plays the flute like a maestro
In front of an appreciating crowd,
To invoke his snake to come out
From its self induced shroud.

The cobra rears up its head
So majestic and beautiful.
To the awe-struck crowd it appears
Like a pet so dutiful.

It has been rendered impotent,
By its owner, in fear
Fear of being undone by a far better being
That tries to save its skin dear.

Unaware of the lack of poison,
It dances to the unheard tune.
It sways to the vibes of the charmer’s feet
The charmer who is now immune.

He makes the snake strike him
To the scare of all
Lest he be poisoned by the snake
And at that very spot fall.

The serpent hisses a bit and hushes us all
The only sound of the snake hiss
The charmer stops and places the hood,
"A paisa for the snake, mister and miss"

The crowd pay what they please and then disperse, T
he snake charmer moves on too far to see,
I am now left standing alone, pondering
What to become of my hero and me

Vulnerability

I was thinking about what makes people strong in the face of adversity. For those who claim to know my characteristics, I am sure that you find it amazing that I have the faculty to think. However, there are times that I actually think. One thought lead to another as they always do and I finally began the concept of vulnerability. What does the word mean and what is its significance? Why do people fear the word and they take great pains to ensure that they not as vulnerable? What is it that is so special about this small word?

Personally, before I begin, I would like to say that there have been times that I have been so vulnerable that it pained. Therefore, I guess that gives me the authority to comment on the topic.

Vulnerability is the quality of a person that makes them open to external attack. This is in both the physical and psychological sense. However, being the weakling that I take pride in being, I shall not deal with the physical sense. That is for those people that take karate lessons and go work out in the gym daily. Those are another thing all together and let us not talk about that. I shall talk about what it is to be vulnerable emotionally. I do not want to go into what makes one vulnerable and why they should do if they are so. I want to touch upon the importance of being vulnerable.

In today’s world, more and more people want to be seen as strong people who are always in control and are scared of the word vulnerability and all that it signifies. They believe that the more in control they seem to be, the better they are professionally. Moreover, who gives a damn for the personal life anyway?

However, I have seen that vulnerability has strange effects on people.  By people, I mean me. It took me sometime to realize that vulnerability is not a bad thing. When one is vulnerable, open to the world, one can learn many things. They range from the mundane things about others to the most important question of them all. Let me see if I can take you through them. I believe that it is only when you are vulnerable that you realize who your friends are and who the enemies are. At a time when you are down, emotionally, if a person takes advantage of you, then he is not one you should keep close to your heart. A person who knows that you open, is ready to stand beside you, in my opinion is a good friend.

What is the opposite of being vulnerable? Is it being strong? Well it is not necessary. One can be strong and still make a mess of life. I am not saying that the vulnerable ones make a mess of life. That is the perception that is doing the rounds. Being strong is a case of not being in touch with who you are and what you want. It is like a mask that one wears to show the world that all is well within oneself. I have seen many cases where the people seem strong and they have become a mess inside. They have been hiding from what they should have realized long ago. That brings me to the most important characteristic of vulnerability, its ability to answer the question,” Who am I?” It gives a clear picture of the truth and all that goes with it. All your wants and your needs, everything that you say and do is direct from the depths of your being. There is nothing that wraps anything that you say and do. In a relationship, it is important to share this vulnerability. It shall enhance the relationship. There are times when I hated myself for being so open, but then this is but one life. Live it so that we never regret what happens or rather what does not happen. Be true to yourself and give others a chance to be true to you.

The essence of excellence

What is the meaning of the term excellence? Does it mean that you are better than others are in doing something? Does it mean that your performance is better than the rest in the group? Well it could mean anything depending on the circumstances. The question that arises is how is the quality of that excellence determined? More and more we have come to determine excellence by the competition that one faced. The more severe the adversity the better is ones performance. That is the idea that has been passed on down to us, and that is what we come to accept. Then the performance against weak opposition is not excellent by the above definition. However, does the same not require effort? I shall try to give some illustrations. It is the finals of any series in any game be it cricket that is a way of life in India or the renowned conference finals of the NBA in the US. For the sake of argument, I shall take a series that consists of seven matches. One team has won the first four to win the series even before playing the fifth match. The fans of the winning team are ecstatic. They have won and have drubbed the other team. They could not have asked for more. The other team as well as their fans is down. Now that the series is lost, there is nothing to play for. Or is there? There is the small matter of pride. Now the score that reads 4-0 could read a respectable 4-3 in case they win the remaining three games. That is motivation enough. Therefore, in most cases they shall give all that they have may be more, because this time they are playing for pride and the name. Fair enough. However, let us take the case of the winning team. For what are they playing? What is the use of flogging a dead horse as the saying goes? In most cases, the performance shall drop, players will stop offering the best that they can, and they will lose the next three matches. They are after all mortals. The final score line reads 4-3, no one shall remember the beating handed out in a few years time. To stamp the authority over the opponent, the score line should have read 7-0 not a mere 4-3. To maintain that level of performance when one knows that the rubber is dead goes above the mortal. It goes with willing oneself to give the best when it is not necessary, with motivating oneself even when the outcome is not affected. To keep that killer instinct that got them the series victory in the first place is where one rises above the mortal and takes on the mantle of immortal. That is the true essence of excellence, to want to win even when assured of victory.

 

What do I want?

My application for one of the top financial institutions in the world has been turned down. It did make me feel really small and insignificant. But it also got me thinking. I have no idea as to what the company does other than the few words that they told us. I had not even heard of the company till I came to SIBM and the first time that I heard it I asked the person who was sitting next to me what it was. The look that I got from that person was enough to convince me of my ignorance. Talking to seniors, the people that have been there and done that, I was told that was a company to die for. And you know what? I was actually convinced.

Now that I am not going to be a part of that process, I look back and think. To those who know me very well, yes I actually can think! Did I want to get into the company because I thought that I shall be able to make a difference to the company and me or did I want to get in because that all around me thought that it was a cool company? Coming at a time when I am beginning to understand what I am and what I stand for, this question is a rude awakening. Too rude for comfort. I only hope that for the companies to come, I am not in this situation.